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Date: January 29th, 2020.

Time of Writing: 8:08 PM.

Weather: Cold. It's cold this time of year. Why I've been saying that it's been warm boggles me. It's only just now hitting me that it's cold, and not warm. Just because it's a little more than it was last week doesn't mean it's anything approaching hot. Less cold is still cold.

Mood: Fluctuating.

Day Overview: I bombed my Japanese quiz. Like, hard. We had to fill out the missing spaces in a chart of Hiragana, and all the ones I had memorized were the ones already filled in. There were three different forms of the quiz, and I just so happened to get the one that fucked me specifically over. My History of World Religions class let out early because the professor couldn't get the movie to work. There was blood on the toilet seat when I went to the bathroom afterwards. I didn't have lunch. My Ideas That Change The World class continues to be an endurance test in putting up with other people's bullshit and pretending not to have already read Plato. The discussion period for the History class was alright but I said a lot of shit that made me look dumb because I don't really go into conversations knowing how I'm going to come out of them. I had really dark thoughts for the first time in a long time after that quiz. I'm okay now, I was being overdramatic. After the discussion section I went and had Linner/Dunch, the second and last meal of my day, and then retired to my room where I had maladaptive daydreams for a bit to help calm me down and stared at my terrible hair in the mirror for a while. Then I shat out an entire rough draft of an essay in a half hour.

On My Mind: There's too much on my plate right now, and the parts I want to get rid of are the parts I need to eat. And yet, I need to pile more on here. Like a job. Or maybe therapy. But therapy doesn't work for me? And I don't want to go back on prozac, or any anti-depressant even sort of like it, or whatever my brother has tried because I know what it's done to him and I don't want that for myself. God this week has sucked. I hope tomorrow is better. I have a radio show to put on, after all. I need to drop some classes. I need to stay on a full time workload.


Produced: 1,250 words of essay. That's all that's gonna happen today.

Other Thoughts: I made a reduced activity notice on the writing website because of how I've been and I think there's been sort of an unofficial one the past few days/couple of weeks with regard to the blog. I haven't been putting in nearly as much effort and that's because I just can't. I haven't really let myself do anything I seriously want to in a while. I hope I find a way to work around that. I hope I find a way to work around all of this. Not around. Through.